Thursday Thoughts

This Thursday Thoughts is brought to you by my spaghetti brain. I often tell people I have a spaghetti brain because it feels like I have a thousand different noodles (thoughts) all mixed into a bowl (my head) and I just keep stirring and stirring, tangling my noodles. Every now and then I add more sauce (anxiety) to really make things slippery. On that note, I guess all my columns are brought to you by spaghetti brain, just some are a little more al dente than others.

So, what’s in my spaghetti bowl today? My closest family member was diagnosed with dementia, I am raising money for the new senior center, trying to stay sane through my husbands last few semesters of grad school, dieting, trying to selling real estate, dealing with threatening customers, business consulting, oh and being a decent mom, did I mention that my kid had lice this week? DEEP BREATH. Help set up the Art Gallery I’m a part of, help Granny get ready for the garden show for the next two days, take new born pictures, and then HAPPY EASTER with 25 people…

I would also like to mention that I have not figured out how to do any of the things that I write about. Most days I live off of Herbalife liftoffs and Taco Bell cheesy gordito crunches. My self-care consists of staring at my iPad obsessively looking at Facebook while my husband plays on his Nintendo. My break-things-down, looks like a thousand to do list and my calendar that I forget to look at (thank God for Google Reminders). To be fair, I try, I try and sometimes I do. I mantra “baby steps”, “today will be a good day”, “you can do this”, “this is just temporary.” I believe the things that I write. They are kind of like my wish lists of the person I wish I was.

With all of this said, I hope that you don’t think that I am a phony. Unfortunately, I care what you think. I wish I didn’t, I know I shouldn’t, but I do. I think that a lot of you can relate. We have this idea of who we want to be. We have this idea of the perfect person. We know all the details, how they walk and talk, how they think and how they problem sold, and yet somehow we just can’t master how to be that person. I think that is what makes us human. We are just who we are. We can, and should strive to better ourselves. We really are the masters of our own ships, but deep down we are are not these perfect beings. We can mantra, we can yoga, we can exercise and be a healthy, we can pray for these huge changes, but our souls never change.

I could be wrong, I am wrong about a lot of things, and I am okay with that. Maybe one day something will happen and it will change my mind, but meanwhile I will continue to try to better myself, until then I need to accept myself.

“Hard times arouse an instinctive desire for authenticity.” ~ Coco Chanel